Category: Parent Talk
So with the end of the first trimester nearing, and with a few people failing to keep the cat in the bag, it's pretty widely known that I'm pregnant now. I just started my 10th week today, and am still just as scared about it as I was 5 weeks ago, which brings me to the reason I'm writing this board in the first place. As a new parent, I have my fears about raising and having the child, things like hoping the child does not become blind etc, though my condition is not genetic it still scares me nonetheless. I'm also a new parent, a new parent who is blind and quite frankly has never had to deal with taking care of a kid under 5 years old, these fears nip at me everyday and every night, while my baby is happily growing inside my body. My first doctor's visit didn't seem to help or reassure me either, when I got there, they were truly nice to me, but she seemed to obsessively go over my history and the fact that I was blind. And as if my fears weren't enough, she plainly asked me how are you going to support your baby given your condition, and how I get around, and if I'm totally self-sufficient now, not that I'm saying you can't do it but people are gonna ask questions due to your blindness. Quite frankly, I thought doctors were supposed to be supportive during this time. I understand blindness may be a concern for some, but I know plenty of blind moms who are raising their babies just fine. I just can't seem to understand why it's socially a bad idea if a blind parent raises a child, when they're just like everyone else, minus their eyes. I guess feeling those fears I already have myself, and the doctor's not so reassuring first thoughts didn't seem to help me either. How do I cope, how do I cope with the fact that I not only have the fear that I can't do it myself, but that others also feel the same. Others feel like me as a blind parent is an impossible thing to accomplish and a job of which I cannot handle.
I'd appreciate oppinions on this matter, since at this point it's one of the many things that currently related to my baby seem to completely overwhelm me.
Dear Jessica,
When I read your thread,I could relate to you in so many ways. When I was pregnant with my son, I was absolutely terrified. The doctors didn't help either because theywere, "concerned." In my opinion, they do haave a right to be concerned, especially since for most doctors a blind pregnant woman having her first child is new and different to them. I understand your fears, I've had them too, but all you can do is be honest. Tell her you're doing the best you can with the "support" you have, whether it's your mom, your baby's daddy, a neighbor or aa few close friends. Before the baby comes, I recomend you contact a pregnancy resource center. Some are affiliated with the hospital that delivers babies. The one I went to offered childbirth classes, breastfeeding support, baby-care classes and help acquiring an infant carseat and sometimes diapers and clothes if you needed them. If your income qualifies you I recomend you get on the WIC (Women, Infants and Children) program. If you're pregnant or nursing or have a child under five, this program helps you with yours and your child's nutritional needs. They provide vouchers for a lot of staple food items as well as formula for your baby if you choose not to nurse and the one here will give you a manual breast pump if you do plan to nurse. Taking care of a baby as a blind parent is not as hard as people make it. You don't really need any special equipment and all it takes is some hands-on guidance and support when the baby's born from a trusted family member or friend. You willnot truly know what to do with a baby until you've had your own. You really are no different than the average first-time, sighted mom except for the fact that you should receive a little hands-on guidance from the nurses when your baby's born. When I had my son, my husband stayed in the room with me the whole time so we both could learn what to do for our baby. I had a C-section so for the first couple of weeks, all I could do was hold and nurse my son. My adoptive mom, (who passed away last year), was there for the first couple of weeks to help us. Wsgh our second baby, we wereon our own when we came home. Lol! What a nerve-wracking experience, a toddler _and a newborn! Some books I can recomend to you from Bookshare if you have a subscription are: _What To Expect The First Year, _What To Expect When You're Expecting, _Nursing Your Baby, _Baby 411, _Toddler 411, and _Hands-on Parenting about parents who are blind and the answers they give to the most asked questions. I also recomend babycenter.com which offers lots of good articles about everything parenting-related, and even a pregnancy week-by-week calendar that tracks your pregnancy and tells you what to expect for you and your little one. Take care of yourself and try not to stress. It's not easy to do, but it's best for you and your baby to relax and try to take the best care of your body that you possibly can. PLease private message me if you need to talk. I'm here for you and I understand.
Congrats on the pregnancy, it'll be fun, min some ways easier than you think, also may be more work than you think, but, at least it was for me, way more fun than I expected.
Obviously I am not a girl and only have the daddy experience, but feel free to msg me with questions/concerns and I'll tell you what I think, best advice is not to panic and knowing it'll be ok, it really will be, it comes natural to you after the baby is here, however awkward you may find it now.
Just worry about getting the practical things in order and don't panic over how to handle the baby once he/she is here.
Hey jess. Just fineshed reading these board posts. We already had lots of talks about this stuff. Like I already told you, I'm here for you. Smile. I was a pregnant blind woman, it all turned out fine. It was a bit scary at times but Ruben is a fine healthy boy.
Jess,
Again, congratulations!
I can't help you with the pregnancy part of being a parent, well not directly anyway, since i've never gone through that myself. So I won't pretend that I can give you the answers about this, since it isn't something I'll ever experience. I can give advice based on what i know from others pregnancies, But I'm here if you need anything, support, have questions, anything.
Just remember, there was probably some point in your life where things like going to college or learning mobility and travel in a new city seemed overwhelming to you. And you can look back now and realize that you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. I know that sounds cheesey and all, but it helps me at times.
You can take parenting classes to learn the things like diaper changing, bathing, and such. As for being blind and being a parent, it isn't any different than being a first time mom for anyone. Sure we have to adapt some things such as a talking thermometer, marking medicine syrenges, learning that it is completely ok to inspect your baby for a diaper rash, using your hands, because you can't see it. But what you are going through is normal for a first time mom. I've worked in child care for years, but I had the same feelings as you are, when I found out about Savannah.
Again, contact me anytime. I'm here no matter what.
The most important thing you can give your baby is love, the rest will go from there.
Jess, I know we've already talked about the stuff we go through while being pregnant, but I told you before. When a woman has her first child, they're always afraid. Whenever I got scared and didn't think i could do things for Noah when I was living with you guys, I thought of Pam. Pam is a totally blind mother of almost four year old twins and an eighteen month old girl. If anyone should deserve an award for the blind mother who puts up with everything around here, its her. I''m sure she'll talk to you about anything. Just message me if you want to talk to her and I'll ask her if its ok. She helped me through a lot and still does. I think it might be good because you guys can actually meat up and talk.
Hugs. I'm also here if you wanna chat, or just come hang at my place or vice versa.
i'm like pipi, I can't tell you any thing about being pregnant and the hole doctor thing, but i'd talk to other blind parrents around here and see what doctors they had, before and after they had there babys, they could probably hook you up with a doctor who worked with them so the doctor probably has some intelligence when it comes to blind parrenting. just a thought.
what ever you do, please don't let the way the nerce reacted to you scare you away from getting the propper care for you or your baby. I don't care what any one says, prenadle care is so emportant, noah has problems we still face today because the lack of prenadle care, don't make that mistake.
yvonne had a pritty aussom lady deliver noah she was verry understanding about the situation in total, and she didn't get too nosey you'll have to ask yvonne her name, I don't remember if she has an office or not. I keep thinking doctor brisky. but i'm not sure, it was so long ago.
and you know I'm here if you have questions about after the baby's born. I think I did pritty good with this little tarror.
Yeah it was doctor Brisky. You're going to the same ospital I was at Jess. So you can ask for her at your next appointment. She was really awesome. Most of the nurses were awesome too. They really didn't give me much trouble about my blindness or Mona and william for that matter after they found out the situation. So I still think that is the best hospital for giving birth. LOL. Probably because its the only one I've experienced. But still, they made me feel very comfortable and I'm glad you'll be going there too.
First, I just wanna say thanks for the support. I find myself alone alot of times and I guess when I'm alone like that I start to think alot when then causes me in turn to stress out over more things than necessary. This has definitely been an interesting experience for me already, and though a part of me still tries to reel back from the shock of it all, I'm happy to be experiencing an extremely special moment in my life.
Yvonne, I actually found a doctor much closer to my house, so if I were to have the baby in austin I wouldn't be having it at the hospital where you were, it'd still be St. David's, but the south austin one. Anyway, either way, I just thank you guys for being there for me, even if I feel I have to cry and rant for no apparent reason.
Awesome. That's good that you're closer then. Just don't let all the nonsupportives get to you. You can do this. Hugs
jessica, congratulations!!!!! what a thrill for you to be expecting.
it is so great that there are so many of y'all down there in austin that can support one another.
remember that whatever any doctor, family member, supervisor, teacher, whoever says is only an opinion. doctors and professionals are on your team. if they start thinking they are the captain of the team, you need to go find others to play with. you are the mommy and you know what is best for your baby.
with all the dysfunctional families in the world, if all your child has to say is that you were blind, they are pretty darned lucky. you love him/her. you will do whatever is best.
i have a 21 year old and an almost 20 year old. my kids are 15 months apart. my husband and i are blind as is our daughter. our son has normal vision. just want to let you know that so you can realize that they do grow up. parenting is the most challenging, frustrating, and fun thing i have ever done.
Congratulations, Jess! Parenting isn't an easy job, but you can do it. Being blind obviously isn't going to be your biggest issue. *SMILE*
I was nervous when I found out I was pregnant, but happy at the same time. Nervous because I was suddenly responsible for someone else's life. It was no longer just about me. I was happy because I couldn't imagine a baby being anything but amazing and joyful. Some people shouldn't be having kids, but I think it changes some of us for the better, whether or not it was planned. There are a bunch of us who are blind and have children, so don't hesitate to ask questions. Also, don't be afraid to say that you don't know. You're a first-time mom, so you shouldn't be expected to know everything. If a doctor/nurse asks you something you're not sure about, it's OK to say, "I'm not sure, but I can definitely find out." My best advice is to read as much as you can and file away what feels right and makes the most sense to you. Parenting is one of those things that there is no right way to do things; there is just your way. You will be this precious little one's mom and you will know him or her best.
I liked babycenter.com for all the information I got from there. I liked knowing what was coming next, in terms of ultrasounds and tests, before the doctor told me himself. He seemed surprised that I knew so much for my first time. It's only because I wanted to know as much as I could and asked different parents and read everything I could find. I know that everyone has their own way of doing things, but being informed was the best way for me to feel like I was in control. It also reassured the nurses that I was taking such an active interest in my baby. I didn't know what giving birth would feel like, but I knew how it worked and about the different stages of labor and all that, which really helped. When it came time for baby to come out, I think I was the calmest one in the room. LOL. Our bodies were made to do this, and that's what I kept telling myself. If millions of women managed before me, there was no reason why I couldn't get through it.
Anyway, take care of yourself and keep us posted! I'm so excited for you!
-- Allie
Well said Allie! A few books that helped me were.What To Expect When You're Expecting, _What To Expect The First Year, _Nursing Your Baby, _Baby 411, _Toddler 411, _Baby and Child Care, and _The Growing Years. Feel free to private message me for help.
Hey guys, just a quick update.
So I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow but man sometimes I'm just ready for it all to be over though. Lately I've been feeling like it's going agonizingly slow and I get all sorts of excited when I find out one more thing about the baby. When I heard the heartbeat at about 13 weeks the doctor said it was fine and the baby looked healthy and the heartbeat was 150 beats a minute.
One thing that kinda scared me though is something that happened yesterday. I had been cramping pretty much all day. They weren't constant cramps though, but they were there and would make themselves known, no bleeding or anything but yesterday I definitely could not get out of bed without the cramps starting to kick in again. I'm hoping everything's ok and nothing happened to the little one. Other than that, everything's gone fine so far.
Thanks for the resources and support. You guys rock Lol.
jess, if your cramping that badly you should go to the doctor.
i'm praying every thing is ok. take care of your self.
Jessica,
Congrats!!
Obviously I'm not a parent either, but you said yourself in your first post that you know plenty of blind parents. Those are the ppl you can get valid advice from.
The doctor is worried b/c he/she doesn't know about blindness. He knows about babies and pregnancy but is definitely not an expert on blindness and has the same attitudes and fearsabout it as the rest of society. Get a network of blind parents around you, they're the experts. Again, congrats!
hmmm...congrats...I know just what you are going through b.c I went through this not less than 4 months ago..but trust me, it is easier than you think, and your baby will adjust quickly to the way you do things...like brandi i reccomend wic, and check with your local health department to see if they provide the baby care program, that was helpfull to me...most importantly, don't worry yourself with the what ifs you will be ok and I don't know if u believe in god but he won't put more on u than u can bare...so just pray and give that situation to the higher power that you believe in if any.
Oh girl you should definitely see your doctor. I will be praying for you.
one more thing. remember you are the first person a baby sees. they don't have others to judge you against. i am the worlds worst singer. when my kids were babies at first i was embarrassed to do the lullabies. my husband said "remember, yours is the first music he has heard. to him it is beautiful." that can go for a lot of other stuff too.
Jessica:
I hope you and baby are ok.
I can relate to your post. I went through a few weeks of depression when I received the official word about my pregnancy, but once I heard her little heartbeat I realized things will be ok no matter what. I've found e-mail lists for blind parents to be resourceful. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
Wonder if you were experiencing Braxton hicks contractions. Those are "fake" contractions that help prepare your body for real labor.
So I found out on monday the baby is a boy. After much consideration the baby's name will be Michael alexander. I'll be 21 weeks tomorrow, and I can't begin to tell you how excited and yet overwhelmed I really truly feel. I'm starting to show now my mom says, and sometimes I feel embarrassed cuz of of the fact I'm walking around with a little bump Lol, but I'm at least glad it's healthy.
great news...keep us posted...oh yeah I know you're glad the morning sickness is over with
Just wait til you can feel him kicking and moving around. It was the best feeling for me.
Congrats Jess, I'm really happy for you. You can do it, I know you can.
Well I think you need to put your big girl panties on and believe in yourself first off. The way you get through this is don't let them see you sweat. Sure you are going to have worries but if you give your "worries" power they will take over you. It's to late to worry anyway it's coming. You just have to prove to them that not only were you capable of getting prego you are a capable blind women and be ready to defend your ability to care for your child. Take the world by the balls and show them you can do this. Don't be offended by the question that are bound to come just face them and be ready to answer them. Frankly it's none of their business, but as long as you stay on top of things you should have no worries. Make sure to check baby over everyday cause they will try and find some thing to raise a finger about, don't give them the opportunity, make doctors appointments be on time become organized and you will be fine. When they say but your blind tell them most of the kids in foster care have sighted parents vision has nothing to do with being a crappy parent. educate yourself. Congrats on the kid, catch up on your sleep cause it wont exist soon.
I couldn't have said it better. Put them big girl panties on and take the world by the balls! Lol! Gotta love DB!!!
How's your pregnancy progressing so far?
Just one thing, other than congradulations. Be careful of medicaid and DHHS and WIC. By all means, if you're hard up and need them, use them. I would never advocate depriving you or your child of medical care or food, but be very careful of these people, as they are used to deadbeat dads, teen moms, inner-city wellfare grubbers and drug abusers. Going on WIC or Medicaid doesn't make you any of those things, not a bad mother either, but remember these people's jaded experiences and be very careful. If you can get by without WIC or Medicaid, do so. If not, be careful.
Especially WIC I know it's needed, but I get mothers crying on the phone everyday because they're told that they're baby has to have a particular kind of formula by the Doctor, but WIC says that they won't cover it and it's fight tooth and nale and sometimes given up on. Times when stores won't honor coupons because they don't carry it in the size specified on the coupon even if off by one or two ounces.
There fore I agree
also make sure to attend all apointments with your child at Doc or Dentist even if busy.
I saw on ABC not too many months ago that a big dental center all over the country that took medicaid kids were abusing the kids that were being treated by them or giving them unneeded and painful procedures. I think this is what kind of thing H means to put across to you. Good luck and do tell us how the pregnancy is going. :)
Can you provide those blind parenting mailing lists? I have lots of questions... for lackof a better term to be better prepared for being prepared to get pregnant... make sense?